


Kadan

by addyrobin



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, miscommunication as a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:42:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7997335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addyrobin/pseuds/addyrobin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bull whispers someone else's name to Dorian during sex, Dorian breaks things off with him and attempts to put distance between himself and the Iron Bull...which proves difficult to do when Dorian is still head over heels for the man.</p>
<p>My entry for the Adoribull minibang (2016)!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kadan

Dorian feels like he's on fire.

The Iron Bull is heavy atop him, pressing him hard into the mattress as Dorian grips the sheets, panting, gasping, begging for more. There's just so much of him, _more_ is not a problem in any sense, and Dorian feels gratified as Bull slides in deeper, all the way to the hilt, his balls flush against Dorian's ass.

They've been seeing each other for...what has it been, a little over a year now? Not officially, of course. Dorian can't bring himself to ask Bull for that, and Bull all but refuses to take the lead on this particular topic (or perhaps he really believes Dorian is more comfortable not putting a name to what they have). But it's exclusive. Even if neither of them have put it into words, there are no more tales from barmaids or soldiers about their escapades with the Iron Bull - at least, none that aren't from a year in the past.

And so Dorian feels gratified once more as Bull whispers, " _Mine, all mine_ ," into his ear hotly, Dorian's cries only escalating as Bull drives in harder and harder, pushing Dorian to his limits until they both cry out with release - well, Dorian cries out, anyway. Bull, he's learned, is more likely to answer in his own finish with short, sharp grunts and heavy panting. Yes, Dorian thinks, he really is rather fond of it all. Fond of belonging to someone, of being so close like this...

There's some lazy clean up afterwards and then, what Dorian knows to be one Bull's favorite parts, the cuddling. They have a few ideal positions, but tonight ends with Dorian sprawled atop the Bull's massive chest, one hand laced with Bull's while the other rests somewhere in the sheets, their legs locked together. Bull is murmuring sweet nothings while Dorian drifts lazily from thought to thought, his traitorous mind picturing a future where Corypheus is gone and he and Bull have survived the encounter, where they spend the rest of their days like this, together, happy and in--

"I love you so much, Kadan. You know that?"

It feels like the air has gone still, with Bull's hold tensing slightly - so subtle that in any other circumstance, Dorian would not have noticed. But presently, his world feels like it's about to burst into flames, like Bull has taken his great axe and shattered Dorian's illusions of happiness with one mighty blow. His ears are ringing, his heart is pounding, and he feels like he's going to throw up if he doesn't leave this instant.

 

He should have _known_.

He lurches off of Bull's chest, throwing his clothes on in a hurry despite the mess, and Bull looks...terrified, to say the least, as he too leaves the bed and tries to reach out.

"Dorian, hey..." Bull's hurt tone almost has him turning, _almost_ , the fucking _traitor_. "Hang on, big guy, we can talk about--"

"My name is _not_ 'Kadan.’" The venom in Dorian's voice surprises even him, and he rushes from the room before Bull can speak any more or try to sway him. He should have known. He shouldn't have ever let himself think that the wretched ox would care, that he could mean more to anyone than just a bit of fun.

“Wait, Dorian, you don’t get it!” he hears Bull calling after him, and curses as he breaks into a run. He _gets it_ , alright. He gets it _perfectly_.

Disgraced and ashamed, Dorian slips into his room and shuts the door. He should have known. He should have _known_. His cheeks are burning with shame and humiliation, and Dorian feels - not for the first time - like a _fool_ for allowing himself to think he could find love.

He’s crying before he can even try to stop himself, slumped against the door and sobbing into his knees. He _loved_ Bull. But clearly Bull's love has already been given to someone else.

 

* * *

 

 

Dorian feels like he might be frozen solid.

As he sits in the library going about his business, it feels like the world around him has come to a halt. It has been three days, three days of complete internal agony, and he hasn't allowed anyone the pleasure of seeing him smile - not the Inquisitor, not Sera, and _certainly_ not the Iron Bull, who has been persistently leaving letters in his alcove.

He makes a show of taking them and setting them ablaze, throwing them out the window where Bull can watch as they turn to ash...

But, privately, he switches Bull's letters for blank ones and burns those instead. He doesn't read any of them, mind you, that would be far too painful, but...the idea that, rather than an admission of guilt and a gentle suggestion to end things, there would be a declaration of undying love and a million apologies in the letters keeps Dorian hoarding them in his room.

It hurts to be apart from Bull after a year of spending almost every day with him, but Dorian will do it. He'll do anything it takes to keep Bull from gaining the upper hand in this situation. He most certainly will not go crawling back to Bull, begging him to try again.

No, he will be as ice - cold and frozen, immovable. No matter how much he might like to melt into Bull's arms again...

Despite his emotionless front, though, Dorian can't bring himself to do proper research. Try as he might, the words on the pages of the books all blur together as his mind wanders to Bull. Always to Bull. To Bull’s hands, his eyes, his face, his gentle touches…

His heart hurts as he firmly shuts another book he hasn’t truly been reading. _Kadan_. He’s never even heard of such a person in Skyhold. Admittedly his circle of friends here is rather small, but still…

He wonders who they are, what they're like. What they have that he didn't, that Bull would choose them over him…how long had they been seeing Bull? He thinks of Bull’s voice whispering to someone else, Bull’s hands touching someone else, Bull--

He catches a small flame starting up beside him and promptly pats it out with his hand, noticing too late that the Iron Bull is approaching his alcove again. He doesn't even give Bull the satisfaction of eye contact, standing from his chair and shoving past him without a word. He wasn’t going to get anything done today anyway.

"Dorian, come on."

He freezes in place, turns around slowly. Bull is standing there, wounded expression and all, letter bent between his fingers. The _nerve_ of him, to look so hurt when Dorian is the one whose heart is in pieces. The _monster_.

"Just give me a chance here, I need to explain." Bull sounds desperate, and maybe that's what snaps Dorian's cold resolve. He jolts forward, grabbing the letter from Bull and, instead of burning it, freezes it solid in his hand - impossible to open.

"I gave you a chance," Dorian whispers, voice sharp like stalactites, biting like a winter storm. "And you decided to cheat on me. I'm not a child, Iron Bull, and I don't need you to explain that what we had was just a _game_ to you. You have no right to my heart anymore.” He jabs a finger into Bull’s chest, eyes starting to burn with unshed tears. He needs to end this conversation now before things can get worse.

“No more letters,” he hisses, “No more of any of this. If you care about me at all - and I know you don't!" He adds quickly as Bull prepares an interruption. "If you ever cared about me, even a little, then you will stop this. You have hurt me enough, and _I will not be toyed with again_."

He snaps his fingers and the ice shatters, small shards clattering onto the floor as he, damn him, swiftly tucks the letter into his robe before Iron Bull can see it still in tact. He turns on his heel, hearing Bull murmuring something about his heart and cursing everything. That monster has no heart. He doesn’t. He never cared. He never did…

He feels the tears slipping down his cheeks the moment he’s made it down the stairs. Solas is staring but Dorian can’t bring himself to give a damn, instead giving the elf a glare so harsh that it has even Solas turning back to his paints. He sets off down the hall, not caring who sees anymore.

Let them see. Let them talk. None of it matters, not anymore. The moment Corypheus drops dead Dorian will just disappear, head back to Tevinter. His footsteps ring out in the once-familiar halls, the sound hollow and empty as his chest; what had begun to feel like a home to him now feels only like a tomb, a place where he can bury his heart. There’s nothing left for him here.

 

* * *

 

Dorian feels damp. Uncomfortably so.

He is also cold and irritated and furious with the Inquisitor for dragging him to the Storm Coast, one of his least favorite places, with the Iron Bull, one of his least favorite people. Cole is with them as well, which isn't doing Dorian any favors as he's had to constantly shut Cole down since they've arrived.

Speaking of, he can hear Cole at it again behind him.

"Cuts so deep, like knives, cold, frozen, a burning core hidden by hatred. Does he know? Hiding, wishing, wanting, every letter k--"

Cole actually falls silent at the withering look Dorian gives him, which is impressive enough that Dorian returns to walking without yelling at the poor boy again. Bull is watching him as well, but there's one gaze he won't return no matter what the circumstances become. Thankfully, he has the cover of driving rain to help obscure his expression from Bull’s watchful eye - even if the ox looks, he won’t be able to search Dorian’s visage for whatever it is he hopes to find.

Then the Inquisitor's hand lights up and, with a shout, they charge off towards a rift. Finally, something to do besides being miserable and wet. The air crackles to life around Dorian as he pulls out his staff, the familiar cloak of the Fade easing his mind as he reflexively throws out a barriers to the others, sparing no mana for himself given the distance of the fight.

They're making good time with the thing until a Despair demon decides to twirl its way into Dorian's personal space. He fumbles as it catches him off guard, it's scream freezing him in place as it coats him with ice. He squeezes his eyes shut and grasps for a fire spell despite his low mana, desperately trying to break away as the demon shambles closer, locked onto him. He can feel the suggestion of a voice whispering through his mind, tendrils of ice snaking around his skull as the demon speaks.

_Why do you go on?_

The world has gone dark now, a foggy haze hanging over everything that isn't a few feet in front of him, and the Despair demon hovers before him with its arms wide open, its jaw hanging open in silent speech. Dorian stares at the rows upon rows of teeth, watches, frozen to the ground, as it reaches out a clawed hand and touches his chest. Crystals of ice bloom from his skin, it wants to freeze his _heart_ , it’s going to kill him and he can’t cast a damned spell--

_It was nice to be here when someone cared about you, but now nobody does. You've thought of it before...why didn't you do it then? Why don't you do it now, Dorian Pavus?_

It's like nails on a chalkboard, like the frozen surface of a lake cracking in his mind, but Dorian can't stop listening. His name coming from this creature sounds like a prayer and a curse, something that digs deep into the very core of his being, his mind, his very _self_ feeling somehow violated. He can hear himself gasping distantly, a cry for help dying on his lips as the thing puts its other hand on his head. Cold, so cold, his head is pounding as he tries for a spell, for _anything_ , and fails again. The monster, it could almost be _smiling_.

_It would be so fast. So easy. I could help you, you know. I would. You could be_ free _. Free of burdens, free of life._

_Free of "Kadan."_

The Iron Bull chooses that moment to cleave the demon in half, panting hard as Dorian collapses to the ground. His mana blooms back to life at last and he doesn’t waste a second, setting the damned thing aflame as he presses one warm hand to his own chest to steady himself. Somewhere ahead the Inquisitor is sealing the rift, Cole staying close to them for the moment, thank the Maker. He’s not sure he could handle the boy and his comments right now.

He’s a little too weak to push the Iron Bull away as he comes over to help him up, instead clinging to his arm as he stumbles to his feet. He looks up for a moment and wishes desperately that he hadn’t - Bull is looking right at him, and his gaze goes straight to Dorian’s heart. He feels his hold on Bull’s arm tighten as his heart pounds in a moment of foolishness.

 

He wants to _kiss_ him.

His heart hurts as Bull steadies him, pulling Dorian a little closer. He’s murmuring something but blood is rushing through Dorian’s ears and he can barely hear, let alone understand. Dazed and tired, he reaches up one hand to touch Bull’s cheek.

“I loved you, you know,” he whispers, the cold from the Despair demon still lingering somewhere in his heart. “I loved you so much…”

Bull answers in some way but he doesn’t catch it, blackness instead rushing into his vision as the cold and weakness both overtake him at last. He loses consciousness in Bull’s arms, some part of his mind wanting to believe that he truly heard Bull say, “I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

Dorian feels numb.

When he awakens, the physical cold is gone from his body. But mentally, emotionally, he still feels nothing at all, like the demon never really went away. Hovering about in his tent is Cole, staying close enough to watch Dorian and sitting up slightly when he awakens.

"Even in dreams your thoughts are loud," Cole says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Iron Bull touches you and your mind yells _no_ , but your heart says _yes_. Why?"

"This is not what I want to wake up to," Dorian snaps, sighing quietly at Cole's hurt expression. "Cole…don't take it to heart. I didn't mean to be so cold."

"Cold…" Cole looks away, all offense seemingly forgotten in favor of what he reads into that word. Dorian braces himself mentally for whatever speech Cole is going to give him now. "It's…cold, inside, despair like icicles. Not from the demon. Kadan. Who is Kadan? But it's not what you think, it isn't a name. It's _you_."

As usual, Cole is making no sense. Dorian simply shakes his head and looks away, staring at the wall of his tent tiredly. "I might like to get a bit more rest, if we don't need to get moving."

"I keep making it worse…" Cole sounds desperate. "Let me try again, I can fix it…" Cole frantically sits up, speaking more quickly. "You don't know--"

"Cole. You _can't_." Dorian tries to be sympathetic, reaches out to grab the boy's hand. "I'm sorry. You _can't_ fix this. The Iron Bull doesn’t feel anything for me, and that is just something that I will have to accept - and I will be able to do so on my own, with time. Please, if you care about me, you'll stop trying."

"But he _does_ ," Cole says, his voice desperate as he grips Dorian's hand, bony fingers closed tightly enough around his to hurt. "It's…beating, breaking, my heart is gone, why doesn't he listen? Letters burned, broken, brightly blazing, he's still there, he's still _there_ and I _can't_ \--"

Dorian has had enough, then, jerking his hand away. "Cole! Enough!"

Maybe it's his tone that finally does it, but Cole falls silent, his expression mournful. "I am…sorry, Dorian. I didn't mean to…I just wanted to help."

"I know you did." Dorian looks out of the tent, where he can see Bull not too far in the distance. He's watching, too far to hear but close enough to see that Dorian is awake.  From here, Dorian can't make out his expression. It hurts to look at him. "I wish that you could."

 

* * *

 

When they return to Skyhold, Dorian feels at peace.

He knows just what he's going to do and just how to do it. It's not like anyone cares, anyway. No one greeted him when they got back. Josephine all but ran to the Inquisitor, and Varric and Solas were both all over Cole. Bull, of course, had the Chargers. But Dorian…Dorian had no one coming to greet him. If anything, all he got was a stink eye from one of the gardeners and a shake of the head from some elf in passing.

And so, when night falls, he travels to the bridge leading out of Skyhold. He doesn't need an excuse - it's late enough that almost no one is out, and the guards have seen him walk through often enough that they don't question him (though they do glare a bit.) He walks down to the middle of it and stares out for a moment - no one is looking, no one is here to see.

Below, the ice stretches endlessly. He wonders over it, over the dark gray of the sky and the light blue of the frozen river below. If the fall doesn't kill him, the cold certainly will - but will someone think to look for him? Will his body be found, here of all places? He looks out to the tents of the faraway soldiers. Will they see? Will they try to save him? There's a particularly sharp rock face that looks to be directly below him. If he goes now, he can…

His stomach twists and he feels cold all over. No hesitating. He inches one foot forward, then the other, his toes hanging off the edge of the bridge. He's freezing. He wonders if anyone will care. If he'll be missed at all. Certainly not by his father. Nor by the Inquisitor, he thinks - they really don't know much about each other, much as he likes the organization itself. And the Inquisitor is not a bad person, he knows, they just haven't really interacted outside of the field. Dorian would just be another casualty, one more note for the obituary column. Bull…he pushes the thought away. No hesitating.

He opens his arms, fighting away the reflexive urge to cast a barrier around himself as he tilts. The cold is so biting and his ears are numb but still Dorian thinks he might hear footsteps rushing down the bridge. The soldiers have noticed but it’s too late, he’s slipping and--

“ _Dorian_!!!”

 

The sound of the Iron Bull’s voice startles Dorian, and he pitches forward into the empty air, a graceless shriek escaping him as he hastily casts the barrier he didn’t want to previously. The world slips around him in a blur of blue and white and he fears that his magic won’t work, won’t save him as he falls to his doom--

Big hands grip his arm, squeezing tight and holding him out in the empty air. He’s dangling, his fingers unable to touch around Bull’s wrists, and he sobs as Bull drags him back up onto the bridge, forcefully yanking him back and away from the edge and gripping his arms so he can’t escape. Dorian tries to struggle away but the Bull is too much for him in this state and holds him hostage - not speaking or doing anything to him save for holding him away from the edge.

The wind blows quietly around them as Dorian settles at last, leaning against Bull in his weakness. Despite the chill, Bull is warm as ever and Dorian closes his eyes. “Why?” he asks, his voice weak and rough. “There’s nothing here for me. You don’t even care. Why?”

“It’s a _word_ , Dorian.” Bull is staring at the mountains, but his statement doesn’t answer Dorian’s questions in any way. Dorian experimentally tries to tug his arm away - and find that Bull’s grip only tightens.

“What are you talking about?” His eyes follow Bull’s out to the mountains, snow all but covering them. “What’s a word?”

“Kadan. It’s a fucking _word_ , not a name. I tried to tell you but you refused to listen to me. I thought if I gave you some space you’d cool down. I’m glad I didn’t, because clearly I was wrong.” Bull’s voice is hard, the sort of tone usually reserved for villains or demons, and Dorian can’t help shrinking a bit.

“In what language? What does it mean?” he asks, sidestepping the rest of Bull’s sentence.

“Qunlat. My heart.”

_Oh_.

“I had thought--” he starts, but Bull barks out a bitter laugh that makes Dorian wince.

“I know what you thought, Dorian! I tried to explain it to you, and you just…” Bull doesn’t let go, but there’s a weariness to his voice that makes Dorian terrified - perhaps even more terrified than he was about jumping. “...I know you have your issues. I get it. I have mine, too. Everyone’s got their hangups. But…”

“Don’t,” Dorian whispers desperately, selfishly. “Don’t leave me again when I’ve not even gotten the chance to take you back…”

“What can we do about this, Dorian?” Bull asks weakly. “What am I going to do if I can’t even communicate with you when I make a mistake that fucks you up so badly that you try to _kill_ yourself?”

Dorian shifts, and Bull lets him - the two of them maneuvering until Dorian is in Bull’s lap facing him, pressed firmly up against his chest. With nothing but the mountains surrounding them and the guards so distant at the end of the bridge, they are alone with nothing but the sky to hold them together.

“I can’t stay with you if it means this could happen again.” Bull is trying to be gentle, but Dorian can hear the pain in his voice - how much it hurts him to say it. “We can’t be together if it’s going to be like this. It’s not healthy for me, and it’s _definitely_ not healthy for you.”

“Death isn’t healthy for anyone,” Dorian says quietly. It pulls the faintest of smiles out of Bull. “It wasn’t only you, Bull...I’ve just felt…” He trails off, pressing his hands against Bull’s chest, but Bull doesn’t speak - letting the silence of the mountains fill the space while Dorian searches for words.

“...tired,” he finally whispers, voice as soft as the falling snow. “I’m tired of being alone. Everyone else...they have someone. The Chargers have you, the Inquisitor has Josephine. Even the cooks, the maids...they all have someone who’s waiting for them at the end of the day. They all have friends, some have families. They aren’t...they aren’t alone. Perhaps it’s my fault for being so reclusive, but on the whole...you...you were all I had.

“And the Despair Demon, when it caught me on the Storm Coast, it reminded me of that. Used that information to taunt me. All of it...I couldn’t take it anymore. It just seemed as though it would be so much easier to…” His voice catches, and Dorian realizes he’s going to cry again.

“I thought you played chess with Cullen?” Bull asks quietly. Dorian laughs weakly.

“On occasion. That doesn’t mean Cullen cares at all for my friendship, however. I did try - he looked at me like I’d grown a second head when I came into his office and asked him to tell me about his day.” He rests his head against Bull’s chest, putting his arms around him, and feels warmed slightly when Bull reciprocates the gesture. “It’s usually the same with anyone else I approach. The loneliness...no matter where in the world I go, it follows me. Tevinter, here...there’s never been a point when I didn’t feel that I was all on my own. Aside from...aside from my time with you.”

He breathes in, and Bull still doesn’t interrupt. He’s grateful for it - Dorian knows if he did, he’d lose his nerve. “After I’d had you, I...I didn’t want to go back to it, didn’t want to go back to being alone. Once I’d felt what it was like to be loved by someone, to be part of a group of friends, to be _cared_ for...it felt impossible to go back to how I had been, surviving without companionship, forcing myself to ignore the gaping holes in my being. I couldn’t do it.”

Bull finally speaks. “So this wasn’t just the breakup,” he says quietly, confirming. “This was…”

“Everything.” Dorian continues hiding his face in Bull’s chest, unsure what else to do. “From my father’s _terrific_ parenting, to the school bullies, to the people who stared and spoke ill of me on my journey here, to this exact moment. I’d...thought about doing this before. Quite often, as it were. But I was...too afraid. Too cowardly.”

“Only cowardly thing would have been doing it,” Bull says, and Dorian groans.

“Everyone says that. The _cowardly_ thing is not having the will to push yourself that last inch, to not just _get it over with_ when you know no one cares, when you know there’s no hope. The _cowardly_ thing is--”

“Dorian.” Bull’s voice is shaking a bit. Dorian falls silent. “You are so strong for not doing it. Stronger than I can put into words.”

Dorian trembles a bit, the cold biting. Still, he doesn’t want to move...doesn’t know if he can.

“Then why do I feel so weak?” he whispers, tears coming anew. “Why do I feel like a failure because of my inability to end things?” He smiles, but there’s no joy in it. “Even if you hadn’t shown up, I likely wouldn’t have gotten the whole way through with it. Cast a barrier before I hit the bottom, shouted for help. I can’t...I’ve never been able to make myself do it. And then you came along, and I didn’t want to...it would have been the same with anyone else, in a sense.” Dorian pauses, considering how that must sound. “That is to say, no matter who I became romantic with, if they had left me it would have ended in this. Not that I…”

“I get what you meant.” Bull’s tone is even, and Dorian sighs under his breath.

“I’m a coward,” he mutters again, whimpering a little when Bull’s hold on him only tightens.

“You’re strong as fuck,” Bull counters, and Dorian is about to argue again when Bull continues on. “Again. Going through with it would be the cowardly thing.”

“Why?” Dorian says. “That doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Cowards run from their problems,” Bull says, voice still flat. “Strong men face up to them, consequences be damned. Sure, you could throw yourself off the bridge, end it all in a second, but you wouldn’t feel strong in your death. It’d just be the same - you’d be letting the issues win. There’s no strength in that.”

Dorian doesn’t answer this time. Bull makes a fairly good point. But still...

"What happens next, then?" Dorian can't get his voice above a whisper, shaking all over. "Where do we...where do _I_ go from here?"

"That's for you to decide." It's not at all dismissive, an open ended statement. "As long as it's not off the bridge, I figure you have a lot of good options. We can go get warmed up in my room, maybe talk about this some more. Figure out a plan of action that doesn't involve offing yourself."

Bull rises, taking Dorian with him, and before he can protest Bull has him in a bridal carry - still with no signs of letting go. Dorian doesn't argue, though. The contact is...nice.

"Let's do that," Dorian says quietly. The cold in his heart still lingers somewhat, but...it's still beating. That's something, he supposes. Perhaps the chill will fade as well given enough time and energy...

As Bull walks them both back down the bridge, Dorian realizes that he's a little excited to find out.

 

* * *

 

In Bull’s room, Dorian has never felt more at home.

Bull guides him to the bed, where they both strip and lay down - doing absolutely nothing but holding one another for a while. It is quiet here, just as it was on the bridge, but this quiet is...serene. Curled into Bull’s body, Dorian feels like he’s never been warmer, the cold in his soul not entirely gone but, in the warmth of the moment, melting away to nothing more than a memory.

“Bull?” he whispers. His voice is still shaking, but he does not care.

“Yeah?” Bull looks at him. Dorian has never loved anyone more in his life - he’s certain.

“Take me back, would you?” He smiles a little. Bull shifts and bends to press his forehead against Dorian’s, smiling and looking him in the eyes.

“Wouldn’t think of doing anything else...kadan.”

When they begin to move against each other, it is desperate and frantic, a sort of making up for lost time - trying to find release in both the actions and the significance behind them. Bull takes him on his back and then on his stomach, wild and wanting, fierce and protective, and Dorian cries out into the night, screaming _yes, yes, yes_ for nearly every action that Bull takes.

And when he does say no to the odd movement or question, Bull does not question him - just as he never has.

They calm from their highs at last in the early hours of the morning, with Dorian tucked safely into Bull’s body and Bull holding him like he never plans to let go.

“Love you, _kadan_.” Bull’s voice is soft and gentle, and Dorian’s heart swells to hear the word - knowing now what it really means.

“I love you too,” Dorian whispers. Bull smiles, and they kiss once more before he drifts away into peaceful, dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next week, Dorian feels like he’s floating on air.

He and Bull are exclusive - and official - and all of Skyhold knows it; thanks in part to Bull’s boasting, but also...because of his own. The Inquisitor was informed of his actions on the bridge, but...rather than chastising Dorian or calling him a risk and sending him away, they’ve done everything in their power to become closer to him. When he’s not with Bull, he’s often sought out by them - whether for questions or just for pleasant conversation. He finds he quite likes them, actually. They’re a great leader and - Dorian is surprised to think - they could be a good friend.

The Chargers and Sera, too, have all but adopted him, someone keeping an eye on him at almost all times despite knowing he’s not in danger of doing anything anymore. Still, he doesn’t mind it - they don’t always agree on every point, but they all get along in their own ways. Even Cullen - with slightly shaking hands and a terseness to his voice that only comes from stress - had attempted to come speak with him in the library. Dorian had relieved him of his suffering by offering him a game of chess, which he had accepted with clear relief.

The game was fun, though, and Cullen smiled more than he normally did. Even if Dorian lost this time, he counts that as a victory in itself.

All in all, things are truly looking up for Dorian. He even counts it as a victory when Blackwall of all people smiles at him in passing - if he can win that man over, he can win _anyone_ over.

At present...he’s sitting in the garden with Bull on his left, holding his hand as the two of them relax on a bench in the sunlight. Around them there are bees pollinating the plants, buzzing contently as they go about their work in the warm sun, and birds chirping delightedly somewhere overhead. He can’t help smiling - nor does he want to. Bull is playing gently with his fingers, bringing Dorian’s hand to his lips every so often and kissing it - as though to remind him that he’s there, if nothing else. Dorian holds tighter in response…

He’s content, leaning against Bull’s arm with a gentle sigh. How lucky he is to have this man...he turns his head upwards and smiles up at Bull, who’s got his head turned upwards, towards the trees. When Dorian clears his throat lightly Bull glances down, a little twinkle in his eyes as he squeezes his hand.

“Nest up there,” he says, shrugging with his free shoulder and pointing up and head. “See it?”

Dorian turns a bit and squints...he can just make it out through the leaves of the tree Bull is pointing to, a little nest where three baby birds have their mouths wide open, their mother leaning over them to feed them.

He smiles, closing his eyes again as he rests against Bull once more. To think he almost missed this…

“It’s very nice, _amatus_ ,” he says softly, the warm sun and Bull at his side starting to lull him to sleep. He wouldn’t mind dozing out here, especially if Bull is watching over him...he notes too late Bull’s silence and turns his head up to find the man staring down at him with a smirk.

“ _Amatus_ , huh?”

Dorian can feel his cheeks starting to burn before he can form a response, turning his head away with a snort of his own. “Yes, _amatus_. It means _my beloved_ in Tevene - let’s not have any more misunderstandings, shall we?”

Bull laughs at that - rich and dark and so inviting, and Dorian can only curl against his arm once again as Bull tugs him a little closer.

“Yeah,” Bull agrees, and Dorian is absolutely smitten. “I’m good with that.”

Dorian smiles, closing his eyes as Bull leans down to kiss him. He’s good with it, too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaha, I'm so glad to have finally written this story!!! Thanks are in order:
> 
> The art for this story was done by [justjasper](http://justjasper.tumblr.com/), who was incredibly patient with me and such a joy to work with. Her renders bring the story to life, and I couldn't be more honored to work with such a talented artist and writer!
> 
> The beta for this story was [dichotomous-dragon](http://dichotomous-dragon.tumblr.com/). She was such a big inspiration to me, and a HUGE help in fixing all of my mistakes and clarifying my story's details.
> 
> As usual, I have to thank Elthadriel for their help - for listening to me complain, for writing with me when I needed someone to motivate me, for just being there through the whole process! It's been...quite a difficult few months, and without them I don't think I would have ever even gotten past my first draft.
> 
> And lastly, thanks to you - the readers! I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed reading it :D [Be sure to check out all of the other amazing minibang fics and art, as well!](http://adoribullmb.tumblr.com/) I know I'll be doing so, ehehe~


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